© 2019 Our Voices Magazine

Personal Power

By Melanie Finlay



"It was only through very deep intimacy where I understood what being a woman meant. What the male role was… and it had nothing to do with the world’s ideas of what it is."

So, you wanna know how a straight woman can have bisexual relations, being Asexual?


Let's talk about personal power relating to another and SEX.


How they're tied together, and why it's so important to have all three.


The three most infamous and essential things on every human's "Top 5 Musts.”


Above everything and most anything else.


After basic human needs that is…. I mean, I would consider these to be in the human needs category.


Anyway, moving on.


As a 26-year-old female millennial, amidst the rise of the feminist movements and the techie start-ups of social media, I have found it extremely easy to confuse personal power and an authentic identity with an Instagram page and some pretty nice looking photos of yourself to attract people, for whatever reason.


Because it is so easy to get caught up with popularity on the internet, I believe it’s essential to know what personal power is, and what it’s not. Also, it’s different for everyone, hence the “personal” part.


You see…. my version of personal power is not going to be about some profound goddess feminist awakening I had… or about what I’ve achieved career-wise…


Throughout my life, I’ve been connecting the dots of experiences I’ve had. I’m understanding now that subconsciously, like many of us, the whole time I’ve been wanting to know myself and how I relate to another.. to the world…


And, oddly enough, I didn’t come to know myself through achievements or group activities, but more through sexual intimacy with another. It almost had nothing to do with the outside world at all.


Actually, the opposite, found in mass destruction of any achievement or social group I’ve ever been connected too.


Discovered in the most naked place. Sexual intimacy.


I’ve wanted to know what being a woman is and what it means to be a woman. I’ve wanted to know how I relate to people; who I am.


But every group function, religion, ideology, feminist movement, ideal fashion choices, personal development course and so on seemed to take my power away…


It was only through very deep intimacy where I understood what being a woman meant. What the male role was… and it had nothing to do with the world’s ideas of what it is.


So, I started to have sex with women - to understand their insecurities, my insecurities; to understand the style of sexuality they carried. Each so different than the other - delicate, intense, sensual and shy…having sex with women gave me a broader understanding of who I was. And who I was not.


There’s a point you reach, maybe, if you’re lucky, where you stop desiring. See, when you take away all the silly ideologies and personal motives revolving around sex and intimacy, you reach this strange new place, this new feeling… new vision. Crystal clear. A place that always existed, and yet you wonder how you never knew about this before.


It goes beyond. .beyond desire, beyond the reproduction of our species, beyond wanting to be loved, beyond the senses.. beyond affection. I’m not entirely sure about connection either. Is there a “beyond connection?" "Beyond relation? "


You can have a relation with no connection, and you can also have a connection with no relation. Can you go beyond that? Yes. I believe you can. But why go beyond in the first place? Well I believe this place of beyond relating and connecting is where I’ve discovered where personal power lies.


Sure, relating and connecting is fun and all. But who are you? Like…. YOU? Oh, that’s right, people don’t want you to know who you are. That’s what’s causing all of this confusion in the first place. Everything that seems so human is also deemed the most taboo of all.


It’s up to you to dive a little.


It’s tricky too though, because I’ve come to know it is gained by understanding the other and how you relate to them, but also understanding you aren’t really any of it either. And this personal power I’m referring to isn’t the egotistical power of pulling one over on another by numbers or achievements. but rather an understanding of yourself by understanding the other, and understanding that they’re just as confused as you are by the whole bit. But this understanding can only be achieved by pure intent. By purely wanting to go beyond.


And it’s through relation.


I wanted to know myself by knowing the other, and for me it’s in the most naked, intimate place where nothing from the outside exists, and it just so happens to be through sexual intimacy.


So… what kind of personal power have I actually achieved by sexual intimacy with women, with men??


Well… maybe you’ll find out next time.